I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."

One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

When god created the men he was only kidding

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !

How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters

Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise

Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law !

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

I read on the newspaper that sending text messages causes a radiation that is cancerous. That's why I have decided to stop - to stop reading newspapers.

Why do I miss you? Because you make me smile. You are so kind. You are so sweet. You are very funny. And most of all, because you are not texting me any more. That's why.

When you are in love, you wish you were married. When you are married, you wish you were in love.

The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too. But if rain really makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you? 

Whenever I hear people say something bad about you, like when they say that you are not cute enough, I would always come to your defense and say "She's trying to be one naman a!" 

I hate blackout. Never mind the aircon, never mind TV and stereo, never mind the internet. But if I could not recharge my cell phone so I could keep texting, that's another point. I hate blackout.

Every time I hold her hand, I feel like holding my cheek. She always slaps me on the face.

The only people whom I greet "Good morning" are those who are smart, cute and malakas ang sex appeal. So, pano ba yan? E di good afternoon na lang sayo! 

"Learn to appreciate art," I told my girlfriend. She said, "How could I appreciate you, then?"

You've got sex appeal, you've got style, you've got intelligence, and you've got class. You've got the face and you've got the body but I've got the wrong number… Sorry ha, mali pala!

We hate others for imitating us. We are irritated by their attitude.

Kung akala mo importante ka sa akin, kung akala mo may tiwala ako sayo, kung akalamo namimiss kita at kung akala mo friend kita…Korek ka dyan!

I'm sure you were born in this world as a cute baby. Now that you're a grownup, I have one question..... What happened?

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose - your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don't have! 

I had a dream about you. Nasa heaven daw tayo with two angels. Your angel is cute but mine is not, so tampo ko. I asked why cute ang angel mo. They said: "Balance of nature". 

Why do we sleep? Because we need to take a break from texting. Have a nice dream while texting. 

How can you know if a person is cute? First, he or she has a poor memory. Second - umn … I forgot na!

Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I'll..uhm.. ah.. eh..I'm gonna miss you for sure!

Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Kasi sabi nila cute daw ako kapag naiinis ako! Kaya, Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako! 

Reporter: How does it feel to become a millionaire? 
Millionaire: Sad, because I am not a billionaire.

I've just heard a funny joke. I can't stop laughing. Hahahaha! Want to hear it. Biruin more…..cute ka raw? Hahahaha!

While walking down the street, I heard an old man say "I've been in love with the same woman for almost 50 years now." I was touched until I heard him say "I wish she knew."

Bakit exciting ang text? 1. Kasi pwedeng magpacute and pangit. 2. Pwedeng single ang married 3. Sa text bida ang sinungaling 4. Sa text bistado ang kuripot.

Smile is the secret to stay young and cute. Naks, bakit ka nakangiti?

What is the difference between cute and feeling cute? Cute is the one who sent this and feeling cute is the one reading this. He...He...he... Text mo sa iba para ikaw naman ang cute!

I may not be your PEPSI choice of the new generation; I may not be your COKE, only the real thing; or your NIDO, world's no. 1 but I can be your REXONA I won't let you down.

I'm thinking u. I want to be with u. I am longing for u. I have a crush on u. I want to hug and kiss u. I love u. Ikaw, love mo rin ba ang letter u?

If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money, wait for your salary.

No matter how sad, no matter how sick, I feel better just thinking of you... But I'm happier each time I send you a message 'coz I know I'll be disturbing you!

If they say "Good looks could kill", then please don't look at me! I don't wanna see you die! 

Anong animal ang hindi sigurado? Eh di BAKA! Ano naman ang pinutol? E di CAT! E ano naman and laging ayos? E di OX! Ano ang laging nauuntog? E di DOG! E ano naman ang pangit? E di COW!

I sent an angel to watch over you last night while you were sleeping. She went back to me and said ang cute mo raw. Sinampal ko nga. Mali ang binantayan.

Between the thousand yesterdays and a million tomorrows, there's only one today and I wouldn't let this day pass without saying this to you - ang cute ko, grabe!

When I say good morning, it means I'm thinking of you. When I say take care, it means I care for you. When I say ang cute mo, antok lang ako. Tulog na ko.

I saw someone at the mall. So cute, smart-looking, simple, elegant, and looks like a celebrity. Kainis paglapit ko nauntog ako. Salamin pala!

Just got my medical exam results. Malala na ang sakit ko. Everyday lalo akong gumaganda at wala raw gamot dito. But don't worry, di daw nakakahawa. Safe ka.

You're like my asthma, you take my breath away. Like dandruff; I can't get you off my head. Like my car, you drive me crazy. Like dentures, I can't smile without you.

Fifty years from now, tanda na ko nun! Di na cute, wala ng appeal, uugud-ugod, nguya nganga, dala baston. Pero pag uso pa ang text, iti text pa rin kita.

You think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm kind, I think you're kind. You think I can be trusted, I think you can. You think I'm cute, and I think you're right.

You can buy gifts but not love. You can pretend smile but not happiness. You can lie to others but not to yourself. You can have another friend but not as cute as I am! 

If you're like my pillow, you're huggable. If you're like my cell phone, you're smart. If you're my chocolate, you're sweet. If you're like me, grabe and cute mo naman!

Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

You'll never know who your friends are… till you stumble and fall. And till you feel his hands on your shoulder as he says, "Yan tatanga-tanga kasi".

Any man who can text while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the text the attention it deserves.

If you're not cute don't continue reading this.... Naks! yan ang gusto ko sayo eh, lakas ng fighting spirit mo! O pumipindot pa! Lupit mo! 

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, a colon, or an exclamation point... So don't dare to kiss me coz I might get crazy,?.! 

The Pinoy politician does not fail to smile in front of the camera. Why? Guilt tickles when there is too much light.

This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.

Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face your fear. Go ahead, take a bath. Good a.m. 

Newsflash: Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building. Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo! Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!

If only I'm an angel, I'll protect you. I'll lend you my wings. I'll watch over you. But I'm not an angel, hawig lang.

When a veteran actor dies, women weep. When a young actor dies, girls cry, "Sayang!"

I don't know how to say this. We are friends but I can't get you out of my mind. This is wrong but you're the only one I could think of. This might break our friendship, but I have to say this. Pautang naman!

The smell of a woman should stay with you. The smell of a man should come to you as you go to him and leave you with only a memory, not a headache.

Kahit NISSAN ka STAREX ka ng buhay ko, masKIAnong mangyari, HONDA kitang pagMAZDAn at SUZUmpang SUZUKIlian ka ng buong katapatan. DODGE what friends are FORD!

A husband coming home from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. Wife: Did the priest tell you to be so romantic like this? Husband: No, he told me to carry my cross. 

What do you do when you see an extremely cute person? Ako, I stare at the person and smile, but when I get tired, I just put the mirror down. Nakakangawit eh!

No one is too fat to run, except the Pinoy policeman.

Help! Nasa presinto ako. Nahuli kasi ako while I was working kanina. The charge was possession of cute face. I had no choice but plead guilty. Lakas ng ebidensya nila e! 

How to spot a texter? 1. may muscle ang thumb 2. barok magsalita 3. may bangga ang auto 4. laging nakayuko 5. nakasimangot dahil di makasend.

Five reasons why I keep texting you: 1. You made me feel welcomed 2. You made me smile 3. You appreciate my thoughts 4. You spend time reading my messages 5. Di ako kuripot tulad mo!

When you feel left out and all alone, just try to close your eyes for a moment and think of me. Afterwards, you will suddenly smile and say, text ko nga ang cute na yon!

Ang ganda ng umaga because of you. Ang ganda ng dream ko, it was all about you. Ang sakit ng ulo ko, puro you na lang ng you. Sabi ni doc, maybe because I miss you.

When she talks about the town, she calls it news. When the town talks about her, she calls it 'tsismis'.

I looked at the sky. The sky is beautiful. I looked at you. I looked at the sky na lang ulit. 

Money will buy a bed but not sleep, food but not appetite, amusement but not happiness. You see, money is not everything. Therefore, if you have too much, please send it to me ASAP! 

I'm afraid to die not because it will hurt or I don't know what will happen, but because I might be waiting for you in Heaven and be disappointed.

Some people choose friends who are thoughtful and caring. Some prefer those who are smart and good looking. When you chose me, pinakyaw mo na lahat.

Everyone, except me, wants to become a millionaire. I want to become a billionaire.

I know you've got plenty of friends. Some are old, some are new. Some are false, some are true. I may not be your perfect friend, but one thing I will always be - the cutest you've got.

I live a very difficult life. I'm always hurt! Whenever people call me cute, good looking, smart and lovable, I'm always hurt! Totoo pala, the truth hurts!

I asked my guardian angel for a friend whom I can love forever. She gave me you. And so I called on her again and asked: "Wala na bang iba?" 

Yesterday is history.... Tomorrow is a mystery.... Today is a gift.... That's why its called the present! 

I'm not sure what life could bring you. I'm not sure if dreams do come true. I'm not sure what love can do. But I'm sure about one thing. Cute tayo.

Let go of the one who makes you cry. Let go of the one who breaks your heart. Let go of the one who causes you much pain. But never let go of me because mahirap maghanap ng cute na ka-text.

People are always looking for cute ones, the perfect ones, the gorgeous ones, the smart ones, the sweet ones. Lagi na lang ako! Ako! Ako!

If you save this message, it means cute ako. If you edit it, cute pa rin ako. If you delete it, naiinggit ka kasi cute ako. Pero kung ipoforward mo, pinagkakalat mong cute ako.

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you and torture is thinking of you too much.

I'm so sorry for not telling you this before. You ought to know how smart, cute, witty, sweet, charming, alluring and wonderful you are!... I didn't know I've influenced you that much! 

Others say life is unfair. Well, it's true. Others are jealous of you. And they really should be. Wanna know why? Hmmm… coz you have a cute text mate like me.

Playboy, speaking to a girl: "I want you to know that I value our relationship very much. In fact, I find you as my most favorite girlfriend."

Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect who's smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the list of suspects. Where do you think I should hide? 

If I were to make a dictionary: CUTE=you; SWEET=you; THOUGHTFUL=you; GOOD LOOKING=you; GORGEOUS=you; LIAR=me!

When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That's true, believe me, I swear. Cause love is blind!

Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. That's enough bout me. How about you? 

When I was lost, you were there. When I was down, you were there. When I was bankrupt, you were there. When I almost died, you were there... Teka, baka ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko! 

It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.

Dear fellow texters, Due to Globeline problems, we are experiencing delayed messages. This is why as early as now I would like to greet you a Merry Christmas.

Trivia: Having a good laugh with friends stimulates endorphins, the brain's natural painkillers. So if you need to laugh and you can't find a friend, I can lend you a mirror. 

When he was five years old, he wanted to become a lawyer. Now that he is a lawyer, he acts like a five-years old.

There are now three ways of describing a glass with water half of its volume. It is either half-full, half-empty or half-safe to drink.

He loves his girlfriend more when she is not around.

I may not be Pepsi, the choice of the new generation. I may not be Coca Cola, only the real thing. I may not be Nido, the world's number 1 but I can be PLDT, clearly for you. 

Nasa bundok ka, mahuhulog cell phone mo at girlfriend mo, anong gagawin mo? Magpakatotoo ka brother! Sagipin mo ang cell phone mo at sigaw mo sa girlfriend mo, text na lang kita!.

Someone claimed that Maria Clara could not be the model of Filipino women. "History never mentioned that she brushed her teeth," was the explanation.

The only person who can make her smile is a dentist.

Looks may capture the eyes but it's the personality that captures the heart. Kainis, I have both.

I wrote your name in the sky but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand but the water washed it away. I wrote your name every where! Hinuli ako ng pulis! 

When you feel that nobody loves you, that nobody cares, when all you can do is cry and walk away because everyone is against you, then you are the weakest link. Goodbye!

At this moment 3.7 million are sleeping, 2.3 million are falling in love, 4.1 million are eating and only 1 cutie in the whole world is reading this message. Naks! Nakangiti na yan!